What happens when you and your master disagree on something important like abortion? I know abortion is a sin and wrong. My master is pro-choice. I have tried to talk to him and show him why he is so wrong but he will not change his opinion. He has forbidden me to talk about it. Otherwise we get along fine and I love him. But when I think about the way he feels I can’t stand sucking or being used by him because he is a baby killer. Any advice?

Thank you for asking my thoughts and sharing your ideas with me. My Master and I don’t agree on everything – no two people do – and I think that is a good sign. It means we are individual adults. It is my joy in life to serve him, not become a copy of who he is. I’m allowed to have my opinions and so is he.  Here’s some thoughts based on your question.

1. Admit you made the #1 relationship mistake. You entered into service with a man thinking you could change him into what you wanted him to be. Your views about abortion are clear and forward. There’s no way you fell in love and service with a man and then later discovered he was pro-choice. You talk about this a lot. So you knew he was, and you thought you could talk him into your ideas. That’s not healthy and it’s not fair. Couples do change each other, but it shouldn’t be an agenda. If having him think like you think was your goal and the relationship requires it for the long term – it would be better to make him aware that is the case and be willing to leave the relationship before more time/trauma happen.

2. Be honest that in this issue you are all about you. You aren’t willing to listen to anything or anyone. Your ideas are set. You want him to affirm your position and you will never listen to or give understanding to his. This isn’t about being right or wrong, it’s about being self-seeking. 

3. Realize your service has become unfocused. When I have my master’s beautiful member in my mouth, I’m not thinking about abortion, or the fact people lack clean water, or the return of polio and measles, or my garden or the fact my mother’s cat is a tyrant.. I’m thinking about how good my Master tastes in my mouth and how much I love him in there or the fact i need to breathe through my nose or listening to his pleasure groan. If he is inside your body and you’re thinking about social/political issues – you aren’t serving him – you’re just a shell he is pumping into. 

4. You might be too immature for a Master.  If you truly think he wants to kill a baby because he is pro-choice – then you are prone to extreme exaggeration at best and naive rhetoric and mud slinging at worst. Either way, it reveals an immature thought process.  Healthy consensual service to another person requires enough maturity to make wise, reasoned decisions about life and other people. I’m not suggestion your position is immature – but the way you project it on someone who disagrees is a sign of lack of development. 

5. Be sure you are using birth control. Again, why are you thinking about abortion while you are having sex?  I’m wondering if some of this issue isn’t coming from a fear of getting pregnant.  When my Master is inside me I’m thinking about wanting him in deeper or keeping up with his rhythm or how I wish he wouldn’t smack against my cervix or OMG I love this feeling.  I’m never thinking about abortion – because – I can’t get pregnant. If that is the reality – talk to him about your real fear – and discuss what method of birth control you are using and how you can be more confident.

Usually when we get caught up in someone else being “wrong” – what we need is self-reflection – because it’s really about us, not them. 

Best of hope and peace to you,

kate

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